The Columbus Review invites submissions for 'Bite Me,' an ongoing call for absurdist and satirical texts. The journal positions itself at the intersection of razor-sharp satire, absurdist rants, and grotesque humor, seeking work that is innovative and boundary-pushing. This is a venue for writing that refuses politeness and instead uses exaggeration, distortion, and dark comedy to interrogate contemporary life. The review is online and remote, with no physical location, and operates on a rolling basis, meaning submissions are accepted continuously. Writers selected for publication will have their work featured in The Columbus Review, gaining exposure to a readership appreciative of transgressive and experimental fiction. The journal acquires First North American Serial Rights, and no payment is currently offered. The editorial vision prioritizes work that is formally daring and thematically fearless, with a preference for pieces that land around 2,000 words. Up to three pieces may be submitted in a single file, and all submissions must be blind to ensure fair evaluation. This call is not for the faint of heart. The Columbus Review is looking for writing that bites back, that uses humor as a weapon and absurdity as a lens. The ideal submission will be tightly crafted, with a clear command of tone and a willingness to take risks. While the journal does not charge a fee, it also does not offer monetary compensation, so contributors should be motivated by a desire to join a conversation of like-minded iconoclasts.